Still in the Past
by WhyFightAnEclipseWhenTheresJaz
Summary: When Savannah walks out of the house on the Full Moon night. John sitting up on the hill above her house. What's going through Savannah's head while she looks up at the Full Moon that she now shares by herself, once shared time with the one she loved.


I stood in the doorway of Alan's room. Tim was tucking him in like he was a little child. He pulled the covers up to his chin and tucked them around him. He threw in the normal kiss on the forehead and told him goodnight. I still stood in the doorway and whispered to Alan, "Goodnight sweetie." I didn't really think I belonged in this little exchange. I didn't help Alan to where he was now, no I came in later, only about a year ago.

I turned and walked down the small hallway to our bedroom, but I wouldn't be going to sleep. I had some business to take care of before I even thought about falling asleep, something really important to me. Still.

"Savannah, what's wrong?" Tim asked as he changed out of his jeans and button up shirt and into flannel pants.

"Nothing." I answered quickly, almost to quickly.

He looked at me skeptically as he went to sit on the bed and when he sat down he patted the space next to him, "Come here." I slowly walked up to him and he pulled me back onto the bed, seating me on his lap, "Please tell me, honey."

"It's nothing, Tim, really." I thought about it. I hated keeping stuff locked up away from him, so I sighed, "It's just... I kind of feel like I don't belong in Alan's room when you put him to bed because I came into your life when he was... fixed," I paused for a second. It really wasn't the best word but my mind couldn't come up with anything else, "I didn't help you, I couldn't but I still don't feel like I belong. I feel out of place. You know how to calm him down and everything and I try my best, but I just can't do it like you do, Tim." A lonely tear traveled down my face.

Tim wiped it away, "Savannah, you do fine. Everyone is different and deal with things differentially. You do great with Alan and he likes you. He told me he did." He smiled when I looked up at him. That made me feel a little better.

"Yeah, I guess your right." I said and got off his lap and went to my side of the bed, "I'm tired though. Goodnight. Love you."

"I love you, too." Tim said and stretched over to kiss my forehead." He turned off the light and the room went dark and my mind started going crazy with thoughts of someone. Not the someone lying next to me, which I felt bad about, but a different person. A person I loved so much and so deeply and its still there.

I still can't believe what I did to him. While he was at war I sent a letter to break up with him. I couldn't call him, but I sent a message. I knew if I called him I'd end up breaking down on the phone. Writing the letters, though, where just as hard. I recall throwing so many out. I just didn't know how to word it. I wanted to put it as gently as possible but still get my point across.

I hear Tim's small snoring and knew it was a good time to do what I wanted to do.

I got slowly out of bed so not to jostle it to much. I opened the screechy door and hoped it wouldn't wake him. I went down the hallway and to the front kitchen door. I slipped on my shoes and opened the front door. I paused on the steps and felt that sensation of someone watching me. I turned to look but I saw nothing, though I still had that feeling. I forgot that I closed the door behind me so I shut it quietly and walked down the steps and into the yard.

I cross my arms from the slight breeze, wishing I brought a jacket out with me. I look over my shoulder, a little paranoid. I was sure Alan and Tim were sleeping but I still didn't want Tim to k now I was out here. I felt my muscles loosen, not even know that they were tight until now.

I raise my head up to the full moon above my head.

The full moon reminded me of John, all the memories I've had with him, good and bad. When he got my purse from the water. The first date we had at the Shrimp Shack. The first time we went to see his dad. My first time. Our first fight. And just a few weeks when he was at the hospital at me with Tim.

I still had feelings for John. He was my first love, my first _real_ love.

_I love you, John Tyree, _I thought staring at the full moon.

**Okay, this idea came to my head and I thought I would do it and its a new book. :) Please review and tell me what you think. :)**


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